Mutual Submission in Ephesians 5
A brief look at submission, headship, & love.
I have been thinking a lot about the concept of one way submission in marriage and where the concept originated. So, today, I want to briefly talk about one of the Scriptures often used to back this claim up - Ephesians 5.
First, we have to remember that Paul was writing a letter, not a book with chapters and verses. This is crucial to remember when reading Paul’s writings. Letters aren’t broken up into chapters and verses.
One instance that always stands out to me is Ephesians 5:22-33—the passage often used as a foundation for the belief in female subservience in marriage:
"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Ephesians 5:22-33)
What is so often overlooked is the verse right before this passage—verse 21:
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
In the original letter there wouldn't have been a chapter and verse separating these thoughts.
Before Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands, he makes a radical statement: He commands everyone to submit to each other.
In Paul’s time, women were already expected to submit to their husbands and fathers. That was simply the cultural norm. So, in stating that, Paul was reiterating what was already practiced. But what he commanded husbands to do? That was revolutionary.
Men were not required to love, respect, or honor their wives. And definitely not submit to them. Women were generally treated as bargaining chips—like cattle—to seal business or property deals. While some couples may have married for love, this was the exception, not the rule.
Now, let’s take a closer look at what Paul says to husbands:
"Love your wives as Christ loved the Church."
What does that love look like? In John 15:5, Jesus says:
"I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you."
Christ calls us friends, not servants.
Let that sink in—Jesus Christ calls you His friend.
So, if husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the Church—and Christ calls us friends—it follows that husbands should love their wives as equals.
I don’t have friends whom I force into submission or obedience. True friendship is built on mutual love and respect. Jesus offers friendship and oneness. Husbands should love their wives in that same way. Wives should love their husbands in that same way.
That is radical.
That is selfless love.
That is Christlike love.
Equality is Christlike.
This is why context is so important when reading Scripture. Paul did not write with chapter and verse divisions—these were added later. Unfortunately, these divisions sometimes create artificial breaks in thought, leading to misinterpretations.
Ephesians 5 is a heartbreaking example of this. A single passage, taken out of context, has been used to build an entire doctrine—one that holds women beneath the very men who were meant to be their partners, their equals.
When reading Scripture, always consider the context—the verses before and after, the cultural background, and the original audience. This is key to understanding the true meaning of Scripture.
This is a very basic outline of Ephesians 5 - there are writers who have written much more thorough posts on this subject. See below.
Here are some amazing resources for further study on this subject: